Wednesday, August 22, 2018

These are the Days...

"Well I’ve been afraid of changin’ Cause I’ve built my life around you. But time makes you bolder. Children get older and I’m getting older too.” 
- Stevie Nicks

This is a pivotal time in my life. I believe that this is the most uncertainty that I have felt since the injury. I know that there are others who have undergone this process and I feel for them. My family has been amazing to me yet it is now time for me to attain a life of my own. I never really thought about it; I need to attain a life worth living for myself. I know that this process will be a scary one but it is necessary for me. Stevie Nicks’ song is typically a wedding song but for me it is ringing true as I begin to embark on the next portion of my life.

My parents are not going to be here forever and they are making sure that plans are in place for me so that I can progress with my life even when they are no longer here. I love Stevie Nicks’ song because it captures the bittersweet emotions of getting older. Following an injury we have to realistically look down the road. There are certain things that I must consider for my life moving forward. I have had to realize that it may not be beneficial for me to live completely alone. At thirty-three I hate to admit this but it is what it is. The aftermath of this injury has been emotionally very difficult on me. I have to acknowledge this and proceed forward knowing that I am emotionally a bit fragile following my TBI.  I hope that many can identify with the difficult place that I find myself. I know that difficult portions of your life prepare you for the difficulties that will present themselves is life. I am friendly with many survivors that have had to take on independent living. I know that it was not easy for any of them. I guess I always thought that I was different; I now know better. I will continue sitting with therapists as I try and navigate through this next portion of my life. Many of my friends have already had children and many have shared how difficult this journey must have been on my family. I find it difficult to not compare with my brother who has a beautiful family and an incredible job.

I need to keep reminding myself this is my journey and that it is unique to my story. Every one of us has our own story that we must proceed along to make a life for ourselves. This life is what we make it and I know that the next portion (living independently) will prove to be very difficult for me. I have to trust that there will be supports in place for me. I thank you very much for reading.
 ~ Noelle

Friday, August 10, 2018

Find Comfort in the Uncomfortable

“Push your limits… Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It reminds us that we are living…” 
- Michele Valentine


Last week I went with my family to the beach. The beach was excellent and is always enjoyable. I have some issues that are troubling me to the core currently. I no longer am living with my mother in her house.

Currently I am living at my father’s house, which is forty-five minutes from my mothers. My work is also much farther away; I have had to realize what is going on. Parents and family members of those who are injured are terrified about what happens to us once they are no longer here. I know of several people who have had to live in facilities following a brain injury. I always had relationships and that is why I never worried. I recently just ended a relationship and now I must get comfortable with being by myself. I am positive that other survivors have found themselves at this crossroad.

The beach was so excellent last week because there is a lot going on in relation to me lately. I long so badly to be “normal” and have independence that a normal thirty three year old should have. I have attained much independence yet I still look towards another to cook dinner. I have to have faith that I have survived much and that I will get through this as I proceed forward with my life. There are certain things in life that can cause crossroads or some real difficulty and this is certainly one of them. I am very nervous as to where I will live and what friends I will have at my disposal. It seems that because I am disabled I may have retirement homes at my disposal. My family is helping me to navigate through the resources and see what may be available to me. I am sure that once I get into a place things will be much easier to me. Like anything taking, that first step is beyond anxiety provoking and I am very nervous about it but I believe that I will be able to in time. I just hope that I do not overstay my welcome at my father’s house. My father and his wife have lived alone with their many animals for many years. I would be so interested in hearing who else has undergone this transition.

I have accomplished a lot but I would love to know who else has accomplished this feat. I have a great deal of anxiety regarding my place of living. More than anything, I just do not want to be a burden. I would love to hear who else has encountered someone with an injury or who has gone through a change in his or her living circumstance. Injuries and changes in life circumstances are tough. We have to extend a hand and be here for one another. I love communication and every exchange that we have with someone going through something similar will help us. I thank you very much for reading and would love to hear any thoughts that you may have.

~Noelle