Taking Ownership.....

A brain injury is much like any life change in that a person is brought back to their basics, and thus forced to truly take ownership over his/her morals. Every injury is different and the ways that the injury manifests itself is different for every person. Recently while visiting with a family, I was informed that they… "would have never known.” Clearly I enjoyed hearing this. My position is incredibly unique because I was given a chance and an opportunity. Daily I am able to continue to grow in this position as I share comfort to others venturing on their rehabilitation process.

A main reason as to why I am able to morph into this position is because I have recognized how my core morals fit into this organization’s mission. In order to truly do so I have to truly re-examine my morals and values. It is easy to lose sight of these as one is consumed with their physical well being. Physical, intellectual and emotional well being are intertwined in the wellness model that I recall from my college days. I would love to hear who else has witnessed more than one aspect of well being coinciding with another? It is interesting how these aspects seem to improve jointly as they increase a person’s total health. As I have shared in the past health is invaluable. There is no price tag that can be assigned to it. Following my brain injury I had to keep the prospective that I indeed was extremely healthy. I get headaches from time to time as a result of the injury, but all things considered I am extremely healthy. I have to remind myself of this whenever I feel as though things are beginning to become a bit dismal for me. The beautiful thing about my position is that I get to preach what I practice. I am very involved with the brain injury community in New Jersey and I often hear amongst the dialogue that individuals who have sustained injuries are typically successful when their injuries are understood. There was a huge sigh of relief once I realized that I no longer needed to conceal my life altering injury. Now my recovery from this potentially horrendous injury now can function as an asset for me. I would love to read any and all comments that you may have. I thank you very much in advance.

~Noelle

Unusual Strengths....

As I have battled back from this injury, I have come to discover some true strengths and skills that I never thought to build on. It is really unbelievable how happy I am; without the things that I always thought were so important. Clearly, they weren’t that important after all; if they are still they are for a different purpose. I always was very concerned with my outward appearance to others. I always wanted my abdominals to be in fantastic looking shape.

Following my injury I truly needed my core to help me maintain my balance. Imagine that; what had started out as shallow became a very necessary attribute to help me return to the level of mobility that I so desperately longed for. I learned the true value of so many things. Never in my life had I realized that maybe there was a way for me to gain a career where my personality would be such an asset. I can’t believe that I am truly so happy in my life even though I sustained a devastating injury that I live with every day. It breaks my heart when I see survivors post that they are “completely healed” from their brain injuries.

In reality, perhaps an individual can get back to full independence despite his/her injury but unfortunately, I have never met somebody who feels they are identical to how they were pre-injury. I know that my injury resulted in a few very noticeable issues (such as my arm tremor and my headaches) but I believe that all survivors notice some changes in their attention level or their ability to think quickly and critically. I would love to hear who else shares my point of view.


~Noelle

Do Not Dwell in the Past....

Entirely too frequently people who have gone through hardships of any kind or a loss of any kind- dwell on what they have lost or their former lives (prior to the loss). Buddha reminds us of a great philosophy to live by; “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream in the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment”. I have to silently recite that saying to myself daily. I think that after going through any life change, it is easy to allow yourself to slip into a “poor me” mentality. I think that it does not help to look at how things used to be.

My philosophy professor in college always reminded his students of that. He would always challenge us to try and catch ourselves in the past, or the future- neither of which you can which means that the only reasonable option is to do your best to live each day for the most as it comes. There are many difficulties that we will all go through; a brain injury is not a typical life experience- but it is a life experience none the less. I am positive that all survivors of Traumatic Brain Injuries are incredibly resilient. I always try and remind every survivor of that.

Once you take ownership over the fact that you have recovered in some way to an injury where the option was there to just lay and not put in any effort to get better; the strength that each survivor has becomes evident. Finally at 7.5 years post injury, I feel that things are starting to become natural and easy again to me. Wow it certainly did take an extremely long time. This long and arduous road that I have traveled along lets me know that I indeed am strong. I no longer allow silly trivial things to get me as they once did. Life is short, and we should all strive to enjoy and live the most out of every day.

~Noelle

Strive to Do Something Meaningful....

What I have learned through my position is that everyone should strive to do something meaningful. I found a quote by Dr. Martin Luther King that captures my feelings exactly, “That old law about an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind. The time is always right to do the right thing.”  Dr. Martin Luther King was an incredible leader because of this way of thinking. He did not only think about his ability to succeed, rather felt that he could assist all to succeed by encouraging society to digest certain ideals that would help to benefit them. A great business, in theory, should hopefully have its values based on doing the right thing for people. I think that is why I consider myself so blessed to have landed at Meridian.

I have been given an opportunity to work for an organization that is dedicated to making peoples’ lives better. I think the organization is very successful because there is always a backbone of help and goodness to every initiative that it undertakes. A true “eye for an eye” type of mentality would leave all members involved unsatisfied. Working for a benevolent health care organization allows me to witness that there are different facets within the business world. Theoretically, I think becoming involved in an occupation that mirrors where you stand morally is extremely valuable to your self esteem. If one feels positively about where he/she is applying a great deal of effort, the result should be very positive. In our office, everyone hopes for the success of each other. This unified culture allows for us all to genuinely try to succeed in our own portion of the organization for the benefit of everyone else. I would love to hear from who else has taken a different career path following an injury.

~Noelle

Dreaming Is A Way of Planning...

I saw a quote that really hit it home for me. “Dreaming is a way of planning, dreaming and imagination leave the doors open to possibilities.” I feel that this is a fantastic way to look forward to your future. Gloria Steinem encourages people to open themselves up to the possibilities that may enter their minds. I think that it is good when I allow my mind to venture to far off places.  It is not good to grow into a complacent individual, which is why I hope I never stop dreaming. When one has dreams and ambitions, one always has something to work towards. I love to consider that every attainable plan begins with a dream. There is a level of comfort in knowing that our lives are what we dream of them to be. Maybe our dreams have a bit more depth to them than we originally thought they ever could; our dreams can teach a lesson.

Sometimes, knowing that my plans have significantly changed from what I originally thought has allowed me to see myself as resilient. I think every survivor is familiar with what I am referring to. I would love to read some commentary from fellow survivors. I read a comment from one of my first blogs which stated, “I hope that you get to… not only as an injured woman.” I appreciate the feedback, and I think it is important to state that this injury does not define me, yet it is a large part of who I am. It is also the reason why I am in the profession I am today. I feel that I have made attempts and am becoming more secure with who I am after my life-altering accident. A huge ambition and dream of mine is to secure my position as a definite part of my health care organization. I want our organization to stand apart from the others because of our “outside the box thinking”.

A phenomenal professor who I had during college always told me to “imagine and dream a perfect position” for myself following graduation; he felt this was the first step in attaining it. Maybe it was. Just like Steinem says, maybe it was my first step to planning my future.  I am more than qualified for the position I am in now due to life experience. Career positions due to life experience are often where individuals excel. My life experience stands out and my recovery from brain injury is extremely noteworthy. I had not yet built a career for myself when I was still in college. I would love to hear from others who pursued their college degree after sustaining a brain injury. I am very fortunate that I was able to attain my degree and employment at a time when employment isn’t entirely abundant. My dreaming continues as I reach out and knock on the doors of different nurse managers who may be able to utilize my position of support.

~Noelle

Living for Myself....

I found a quote written by Emerson that simply puts a very powerful life lesson into words.  Ralph Waldo Emerson frankly states, “It is easy to live for everyone else, everybody does. I call on you to live for yourself.” I know that this quote didn’t quite hit me until I truly pondered it for a while and evaluated every possibility as to what it was referring to. I know that I am always very critical of myself because I so deeply fear that others are going to judge me for my gait. The truth is: I can get around seamlessly. My gait is a bit awkward, but oh well. It is a gait nonetheless. I always promised myself that if I could get back to some form of independence, I would be forever satisfied. Of course, that light of satisfaction dims at times, but by reading Emerson’s quote the spotlight is drawn back again. Emerson calls on individuals to be satisfied and find comfort in doing what it takes for you to live. The quote is larger than that one line.

Following an injury there is a very fine line between caring deeply for others and being overly concerned with what they think. Having a deep rooted concern for one’s well being is far different than being overly concerned with what others think. Taking into account one’s well being and state of mind is what it is all about. I often reflect upon this quote when I am considering if I look awkward in my high heels. I think about Emerson’s quote and I take comfort in knowing that it really does not matter who has an opinion about how I walk in high heels. There is comfort in knowing that as long as I feel comfortable (and I do), then that is all that really matters.

I would love to hear a few comments from some survivors and their families who have had a feeling or experience where they tried to push the envelope. It is helpful to hear from other survivors who are engaged in similar activities to push themselves. So much comfort comes from truly being in touch with ourselves. I challenge all of you to take a minute and think about the challenges that you tackle and try to evaluate what drives you to do so. Emerson would hope that you prove to yourself that you can accomplish the task. Emerson would hope that you would attempt the same challenge if you were the only inhabitant on a far off deserted island. It is easy in Emerson’s view to follow the crowd and act as part of a pack. Emerson would greatly object to the “pack mentality” in which people continue to blindly follow those in front of them without a sense of where they are going.

~Noelle

Seven Years Post Injury...

As one gets further away from their injury, a deep rooted evaluation ensues. Progress to an outside individual is very different from what is perceived by the victim. I recently had my seven year anniversary of sustaining this injury. I spoke with several friends and family members regarding this momentous occasion. It was celebrated by many as to how far I have come and where I am today as opposed to laying comatose a “short” seven years ago.

In my opinion this has been one of the longest periods of seven years that anyone could ever go through. I went to dinner with a friend and as I went to grab the railing to go up the stairs, my arm tremor threw me of balance. I did not fall, yet I felt like all eyes were on me as I went up the stairs. I almost felt as though that experience happened last night to remind me that I will never be able to live my life with a full disregard for this injury. Many people express to me, “that with time you will barely be able to notice the injury”. I would love to hear some responses on who has heard and interpreted that statement. I have heard that statement a countless numbers of times and I just know what it feels like to live daily with this brain injury. Sometimes I feel as if I want to respond, “With all due respect I know better”. Obviously I never do, rather I reflect within myself and say nothing if it is not going to help me.

In my position I have to understand that people try to say what they think people want to hear. That is true in all of life I think. There are several different layers of emotions that must be peeled away as one proactively moves forward with this recovery. There is never an option to sit stagnantly I don’t think. Every day can be and has to be an opportunity. Even though I am seven years post accident and I still have some balance issues, I realize that my choice to wear high heels is likely not the most conducive to going up even a few stairs. That being said, I never want to lose the ability to challenge myself. Obviously any challenge that I take part in has to be with my safety in mind first. I can distinctly recall even a few weeks ago when I attempted to go up the stairs to a restaurant with my father. I ignorantly thought I could venture up the middle of the stairs with no railing. I almost lost my balance and thankfully my father was there to grab my arm. I recall being shocked at my loss of balance. Even though that was rather rare, I need to have that memory forefront so that I don’t get hurt. Daily activities can still be done, but safety always has to come first.

Seven years post injury, I am blessed and very thankful to be where I am yet I know that certain things are forever changed. I would love to hear from each of you as to what you have seen forever changed. Certain things have become more acute. Both my hearing and my sense of smell have become very much heightened. Once I regained the ability to verbalize my thoughts and emotions I felt very drawn to help those in need. Very often many people/patients need to be listened to. I can share many of my rehab experiences with those much earlier in the process. Hopefully I can be of some comfort as they battle back from their ailments.

~Noelle